Maybe if I change my name to "Myra Belle" Bill Clinton will have an affair with me? God, still wishing, wishing he was on my television every day. Praying.

Maybe he will become our mayor, and we can secede, and the red states can Appelbees themselves into oblivion, and we can charge them even more and require them to get a basic education in human rights and history if they want to come here to see a damn Broadway show.


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